Dear December.

November faces.

So, November 2014 is going to an end in less than an hour.

November so far...been treating me okay.

In the first week of November, Russia had a four day-offs for Unity Day celebrations which I managed to go to Sochi for a quick getaway. Everything happened with no advance preparations whatsoever (I heard the best adventures are the ones unplanned!). So there I was with this Man, found ourself taking the night bus ride to Sochi from Krasnodar. Those who haven't heard about Sochi, Sochi is a city in Krasnodarski Krai, located on the Black Sea and was the host city for the past Winter Olympic Games 2014 thus makes the city more developed than Krasnodar itself, probably more than most Russian cities are.

So we arrived in Sochi the next day in the early morning. It was my second time in Sochi actually. Sochi welcomed us with a light rain, the weather wasn't so great. My back was hurt from sitting in the same position too long but anyway I was happy as I could be. We headed straight to the hotel in Krasnaya Pollyanna. The hotel where we stayed in was quite nice and cozy, with a friendly receptionist, nice bathroom and a balcony with a mountain view. I guess there was almost no one staying in the hotel beside us and that's exactly what I was hoping for. So I could rest my weary mind for a bit. I could hear nothing but morning birds singing. Short after a check-in, we spent a couple hours in the hotel room for a rest (seriously, we were so tired that we came so far just for sleeping.). 

After a heartbreaking moment of parting with my bed, in the late afternoon, we crawled outside to explore. We went to the Olympic Stadium, the new-built F1 circuit, had a greek meal on our way there, walked down the long road, took the wrong bus, got lost, blamed each other for that, had our way back in, and made fun of each other too. Night finally came, we were sitting on a bench in the Olympic arena, trying to make each other feels warm while watching the dancing fountain played Swan Lake.

There are usually no buses operating later than 10 at night, hence on 8.30pm we had to rush back to the hotel. We waited at the bus stop for half an hour, no sign of bus coming... We waited for another half an hour, but still...a big fat zero. Night got darker and colder. I could clearly see his worry drawn in his face but he still managed to convince me not to worry and told me the bus was coming in just a minute.

"Are you cold?" he asked.

"No..."

"Okay, hold on. The bus is coming soon."

"Okay, don't worry."

*10 minutes later*

"Are you cold?" again he asked.

"No, I said I'm not. You look cold." I replied, emphasised the 'you' word.

"No I'm not, don't worry the bus is coming in 5 minutes."

"That's fine."

*10 minutes later*

"Are you cooooold?" now I was the one who asked, with a tone he always find annoying.

"Noooo, I'm not!" then he wrapped his arm around my head. Cold.

That was funny because frankly I didn't even care about not getting a bus at all. We could just call and get in a cab, no? Haha. I didn't even mind staying in the airport which is located not so far from us until dawn. So yes people, it's true, travelling reveals the other side of a person you have no idea about before. But God told me the other way, God's been always so good to me He didn't want me to sleep in the airport nor wanted me to drain my money to pay for an overpriced night-cab, so the long-awaited bus showed up and I visualised a halo above as it was coming to us. It took us about 40-50 minutes on the bus before we finally landed safe and sound in the hotel room with a heap of crackers, croissants, biscuits and chips bought earlier. I changed my clothes and prepared myself for bed, we still had time watching Annabelle just a moment before sleep which turned out lame, I mean, that Annabelle movie is lame -_- 

I woke up earlier than I've planned in the morning with a horrendous cough. Anyway, time flies when you're having fun, we needed to take the first train in the morning back to Krasnodar, half-hearted. Thank God this time we took the train not the bus, the spacious four full flat-beds in each compartment, no more backache, no more curling the shit out of our body to get the comfiest position possible hehe. Here's a goodbye to Sochi, I left a pieces of my heart with you.

No, it's until I see you again.

***

Back to Krasnodar means back to reality. To which it feels like nightmare.

This semester things got more difficult than ever before. I've been so overwhelmed by tasks, essays, tests and so on. Noon-to-late-evening classes in every-single-day makes it even harder. The lecturers are also not so forgiving. Now reading a book in my spare time feels like a luxury. Baking a cake in an 'improper time' feels like cheating. Strolling around the city aimlessly feels like a time wasted. Every damn second I need to keep remind myself of things I need to get done. And I notice I turned out sour and cranky lately, no longer an easy-to-please me. That feels so wrong, at the same time I think there can be no progress or achievement without sacrifice.

Anyway, a couple days ago when I just came from my class at night, I passed by the table where usually all mails and letters that come to my dormitory are collected on. Knowing I'm not expecting any mails from anyone, I usually don't pay much attention, BUT this time my eyes were stumbled on a cute postcard with a chibi version of Conan Edogawa on it. That time I thought, "Holy crap what a cutie, I'd like to know whom this cute postcard was sent to." I grabbed and turned it upside down to see what's written on it. And as you could guess, yes MY NAME IS WRITTEN ON IT. I blinked my eyes. No way. I got so ecstatic that I smiled like a little idiot. That postcard is from Nabila, who was doing her internship in Singapore. It enlightened up my bitter day in a very second.

P.s: Nab, I don't know what to say, but if you happen to read this post, I just want you to know that I thank you and owe you everything. I know it's too sweet for you to handle and you might vomit. But I don't care. We may not talk to each other frequently, but it doesn't make me love you less. Whatever you're doing, I hope you're doing good.


And oh, I don't want to stay in this November for any longer. But I can't say I'm so ready for December. December happens to be both my favourite and least favourite month of the year. It's the birthday month of my two moms. But it's also when my exams season started. It's usually when the first snow falling in Krasnodar. But it's also the moment when I likely catch a flu. It's the month when people are busy putting up their christmas trees. But it's also a month when I mostly consumed by my thoughts and feel lost in it. It's gloomy and gleaming at the same time. Let's hope this December brings more joy than sorrow.

My heart is made with flour and a dust of powdered sugar with a pinch of salt.

Holla!

It's been a rainy day in Krasnodar. This morning was as cold as 3'C. Who doesn't love to munch on some comforting food on a rainy day? I know I do.

I remember both my late grandmas were an awesome cooks. They were famous with their homemade baked goods among family and friends. Not to mention, all those heavenly padangnese cuisine they made was to die for.

As my parents divorced when I was 5, my maternal grandma was in charge in taking care of my needs that time while my parents were sort of busy mending their broken pieces due to divorce.

FYI, I was born really tiny (no bigger than Daddy's fist! He swears by it). And before I hit my puberty, I was still as skinny as an anorexic. I think that's why my grandma was really concerned about what got into my belly ever since I was a baby. Every cakes she baked, she'd manage to save a piece or two for me before my other cousins finish them. Even when we were apart, in every single letters sent to my mom, she'd mention my name more than any other name to make sure I got everything right. Thank you grandma, and I loved the warmth in everything you made.

Guess I inherited the same interest in baking and cooking as much as she did. Or interest can be contagious (?) Wait, how about my mom? Frankly, she's not really into cooking. But she makes a hella good fried rice and nasi uduk (indonesian style fragrant steamed rice in coconut milk) which I admire (and be a kind of famous among my friends too).

So as a kid I used to help my grandma to cook. A kind of help a 5 year old girl could offer, like bringing some plates or tossing flour into a bowl. Where there was grandma cooking, there where I was too...

I've started to prepare my first meal from scratch and it was spaghetti bolognese. I couldn't remember how it tasted tho'. I think it wasn't so bad, at least I'm still alive now haha. The older I grow, the more hungry I am to try new recipes. I had been in several successes and failures in cooking, and I'm so thankful for my brother because despite of everything, he would LOVE to finish all the disasters/heavenly goods I make haha. ♥

Anyway, living alone far from my family has taught me many things; really, no one would provide you anything but yourself. Waking up from your peaceful sleep and having some breakfast prepared for you may sound lovely but hey, that would be your wildest dream, ever. At least it wouldn't happen to me here. Go get up and prepare your own food, lazybones. And don't forget the dishes. 

Sometimes I get too lazy, and have some instant food in a cup for a quick fix. Buying some ready-to-eat meal from a fancy to a junky fast food restaurant chain would be some great options too. I gotta admit I do enjoy eating outside for once in a while. But I can't stand living that way for a long run. I have cravings to be satisfied with. Moreover, I have a special bond with homemade food. I really like making things from scratch every now and then just to understand the science behind certain food products. As a plus, I know exactly what goes into my mouth and what's not supposed to be. Yes, that's so complicated of me. Sorry not sorry. O:)

And living alone gives me advantages of trying out new things in the kitchen on my own without any parental supervision haha. It gives me an ultimate reason to do more cooking and to be less whiny; if I can't have it, then why not make it myself?
Lately I found myself too productive in the kitchen.

October 9th is the birthday of him, he who self-proclaimed as my cooking's number 1 fan. You don't say, haha. Lucky him, the feeling is mutual. I love his birthday a little too much. Maybe because it's coincided with John Lennon's birthday, tee-hee. Hence, I managed to make a birthday cake for him, again this year. 

He lit his own candles...good boy.

Okay, almost there.

A batch of matcha green tea cupcakes with lemon & matcha green tea frosting, everyone! I replaced the amount of milk with yogurt, and put extra yolks to make it more moist.

He was so ecstatic to make a wish and blow out his birthday candles. It was a bright afternoon, we spent a couple hours in the park. Talked nonsense until the sun had set, and headed to Krasnaya Ulitsa, my forever favourite road in Krasnodar for a walk, and had dinner in one cozy place. A day well spent. :-)

FYI, I don't eat a lot of sweets. I'm more to savoury treats than a sweet one. But come on, no one can't resist their looks, most of sweet treats look so cute. I can't even, errrgghh. ♥ So everything I bake, mostly goes into someone else's belly. I usually have a piece just to make sure no one would be harmed by eating my cake hehe. Or just to taste how it turns out; "Is it good enough?", "Did I put too much sugar?", "Did the texture come out like I wanted it to be?" Etc. The answers are where usually I learn from. Practice makes perfect after all.

Chocolate brownies!

(Baking with kids could be one hell of a work. Really. Was I a burden to my grandma back there? Haha!)

But their happy faces are priceless.

Oh, and yesterday I made donut!

Donuts are sold in IKEA for a cheap price (approx. US$ 1.33 for 15 pieces of donut in powdered sugar), and they're not a bad of donut, yet I chose to deal with the stubborn dough myself? There's obviously something wrong in my head.

The first time I made donut was about 5 years ago with a friend of mine, Ruri. And the result was...rock-solid donuts haha. But still edible. But I didn't like it. No one likes rock-solid donut you know. So I challenged myself for another try this time. Let see whether I'm improved after all these 5 years...or not.

And, boom! *drum rolls please* The donuts came out just like what I expected. I'm happy enough with the result. There were almost 5 dozens of them, all sugar-glazed with chopped almonds and topped with pinky sprinkles. The texture was dang good, not overly sweet, and it stayed moist over a day without being soggy.

Sorry for a low-res picture, it was taken with an iPad. Too lazy to take a proper camera.

5 dozens of donut. I had too much of donuts on my hand, and told ya, I'm not a sweet-tooth. So I shared some to the security officer in my dormitory who was on duty that day and some to my friends and neighbours, of course. Practically to everyone I happened to meet.

***

"How do you see yourself when you're old?"

"Beside possessing the world, basically I want to be a grandma her grandchildren would miss her cookings."

- Asked someone once to me.

People believe what they want to believe.

Hi, good day. I got a brand new mattress last week which is awesome, since my back has the quality of 70 year old grandma. Now I guess my sleeping quality is slightly improved. Also, I made chicken stir-fry in sweet spicy soy sauce earlier today and I was happy with that because it turned out so good. Yum. All hail 'Kecap Bango' (Unilever didn't pay me for this, I swear) simply because russian version of sweet soy sauce sucks.

A month has passed since the new semester. Classes are going fine so far, and not to mention, exhausting as hell. This year, September has gotten too chill in Krasnodar, more chilly than it used to be last year. Warm shining sun has been replaced with a cold freezing breeze. Days are getting shorter. The leaves are gradually turning into the majestic golden colour. So grand.
At this time of the year, my demand for going on a picnic is on its peak..

♬"If heaven wasn't so far away

I'd pack up the kids and go for a day..."♬

Anyway a couple days ago I finished reading the latest book by Mitch Albom titled The First Phone Call From Heaven. Though the book has too much point of views in my opinion, I enjoyed it quite a lot. The book itself is a painful yet uplifting read with a great little twist at the very end. It's a story of a small town on Lake Michigan that gets worldwide attention when its citizens start receiving phone calls from afterlife. It gave me some sort of warm fuzzies as I kept turning from page to pages. And it brought some water to my eyes because I was all attached to the story and its characters. How wonderful it would be if we could speak to deceased ones? If only heaven could be reached in a couple metres away, by the corner of your living room; over your telephone. Wouldn't it be cool?

I'd love to get a phone call from my late grandfathers I've never met (both of my grandpas have passed away before I was even born. My mom told me a lot about her dad, from her stories I think he was a kind of awesome.) and ask them sort of questions like:

1. How are you doing up there?
2. If heaven was made from jelly or what.
3. Say hi to grandma, how does it feel like to be reunited with your other half after years apart?
4. Is heaven really that...good?

...and of course, introducing myself beforehand. The granddaughter they never knew they have.

Also I'd ask to talk to my late grandma too for a minute, asking for the holy-moly signature banana pie recipe she used to make when I was just a little chipmunk.

However, the book assured me that faith really is believing without the need for a proof. 

Like the way when you're on the airplane, you have faith that the pilot is good enough pilot to take you on board and fly.

Like the way you have faith the sun will rise tomorrow.

Like the way you have faith in God and heaven.

A not so summery, summer post.

Wait what, it's September already? Right here right now I find myself confused; where did the time go? Where did my summer go?

So okay, I couldn't say this summer is the best time of my life ever, but it definitely gave me a new set of lenses to see my life with. I had been through many high and low points within the holy 3 months-summer-breaks that moulded me into what I am today.

I flew back to Indonesia together with my dear man by the end of June. Honestly, I wasn't quite excited this time. I wondered why, but these could be the main reasons:

1. I was actually accepted to do my internship in Colombia this summer, which is located on the other side of the world I'm living in. I was SO happy with that I could't sleep in excitement as I got the acceptance letter. My heart broke a little when I found out that my dad just couldn't let me go there (Dad knows best *sigh*). Instead, he offered me to go back home and do the internship thingy there.
2. It was only 9 months away from the last time I came back. I don't want to go back too often to be honest. I'd rather have my family/friends visit me here (haha) and show them around.. "So people, this is Russia, this is the country I'm spending 5 years of my life in... You see there's a lot of Babushkas and hey look, bunch of fine-looking chicks almost everywhere, that's normal, don't be surprised."
3. And I had too plenty of time (2 months and a half!!!) to spend in Indonesia. I didn't even know what to do at first. Hadn't found any jobs there. What could be more boring than imagining yourself sitting on a couch, watching DVDs and getting all the fats from all those munchies for 2 months and a half?

But what else can I do... I was finally convinced and tickets were issued. Then there I was, arrived in Soekarno-Hatta Int' Airport with a mixed-feelings and a confused face I couldn't hide. I was happy to see my parents though. I was happy seeing them healthy just like the last time I saw them. For me that's enough; to see my parents are doing fine.

I remember one evening, I was trapped in a traffic with my Dad (we talked a lot this summer, more than just a casual conversations we usually had, maybe he considers me as an adult now.) he briefly said, "Find the one and be the one that listens. A good communication between you and your partner is the key, no problems can't be solved with a good communication.", ...okay things get serious when you're in your twenties haha. I talked a lot about my college life, and how I survive, and also about my relationship with a particular person. He told me too about his marriages life, his works and hopes. He gave me fatherly advises that I believe will help me in any life circumstances, big time. Thank you, Dad. I love you. So much.

Talking about marriage, I was real excited when I heard some of my girls were proposed. Their weddings are soon be held. Feels just like yesterday we were goofing around in a canteen back in senior high school, single, no boys involved (well, a bit involved) got our hearts broken, made up again, went on a date, but now, marriage? How come? Is that too soon? How soon is too soon?

Okay, just years ago when I was just a teenager, if somebody asked me, "How old will you be when you get married?", I would lightly answer, "22 or 3, maybe." But now this 22 year old woman couldn't even imagine herself marrying someone in a year or two.

I talked about marriage to one of my close friend, Nabila, "Hey have you ever imagined yourself getting married?", she laughed. So we talked, and we talked. And we both came to the conclusion, that marriage is too soon for both of us. Nabila said, "I'm afraid marriage is not for me." If only she knows that I'm quite afraid too...

And...in the middle of July I was given a job in one private TV station in Indonesia. Actually it was more like a freelance than an internship. I was getting paid for helping things out, translating movies' scripts (I'm also the girl behind Masha & The Bear! That's a highlight! Haha). Coming to work in the morning, going back home at night. At this point I thought, "Man, so this is what most people complain about; traffic! Once I become financially independent, I'd retire and do a good favour for myself, I'd buy a big house on top of the hills and swim in my own money. Take care of my little family. Make sure they get everything they need. Go picnic with my kids in the afternoon. Live happily ever after. And finally leave the world with no regrets."

***

Anyway, I've always had a severe trust issues rooted inside of me, and I've been more concerned about it lately. I think a constant disappointments make it so hard for me to put trust on people. Or simply because I want to protect myself from a further disappointment, therefore I built a shield around me and trust my instinct instead. What kind of disappointments have made me this way? I sound like an old woman who has been through a lot of things; disappointments, broken promises, etc.. But I don't have to be as old as my late grandma to feel this way, do I? 

So by the end of August, I found out that 'This Person' I've been looking up to for long was actually a phoney. I was quite surprised by how fine 'This Person' hid everything away from me. I was surprised by how beautiful the chocolate-covered-lies 'This Person' gave to me until I peeked inside because I've always believed 'This Person' was one of a very few people that wouldn't let anything bad happen to me. But my worry was proven right. After all, my insecurities were actually up for a reason.

'This Person' was really sorry about that, but what a sorry can do? It doesn't heal anything, a sorry doesn't gain back the trust I once put on. 'This Person' promised to fix everything, but tell me how do you expect me to believe all the words 'This Person' said and start all over again?

People make mistakes, and so do I. But let's not make it as an excuse for doing things wrong, okay? Okay.

I think I'm going to pop out in just a second.

Monstrous thing.

Let's face the bitter fact. We live in a such world full of sin. Really it's just impossible to live in a godly life and not making any sin for the rest of our lives. I've done so many wrong things. I've lied to my parents, I've judged people without actually getting to know them first,  I didn't return the library books, I skipped daily prayers sometimes because I was too lazy/sleepy, I hurt many people feelings, I ate fried chicken and fries at 2 AM (that counts as a sin, doesn't it?), I cheated on my tests and so much more. From a tiny speck, to a big fat one. From something I can laugh and make fun of, to something I'm all disgraced by guilts.

And one of the thing I've been trying to overcome is…this ugly jealousy.
Romantic jealousy, power jealousy and jealousy of any kind. I do feel jealous. I've been haunted with some for this past year. Well I'm not a jealous type of person on a normal basis. BUT we do feel jealous of another person for once in a while, don't we all? That once when you feel bad about yourself and wish you could live in somebody else's life? I know it stinks and unhealthy, and sometimes I can't help it but to get blinded by jealousy towards this particular person that I can't see what's good in me anymore. I've been eyeing them because I fear to lose. I fear they will take away what I own at some point.  I fear they will steal away what supposed to be mine and only mine, the whole part of it.  I feel threatened and insecure. It's an ultimate killing thing. For a moment I forgot what I've been so confidence in doing, what I know I'm really good at, what my papa keeps telling me how proud he is of me, and he said how I am loved and don't deserve any comparison to another individuals. And I unconsciously have planted the bitterness seeds inside of me that soon grew wild into a thought; "maybe my life would be so much closer to an ideal if I just had what they had...born the way they were born…be where they were be…"

Do I sound so ungrateful? Wait, that crossed my mind only for a seconds before it was vanished. Never really thought that way. Even though that ugly monster of jealousy keeps re-appearing some other time like a bad penny I have no control over..
But really, if one day you find out your partner once got into a serious relationship before you and you think you have the right to feel jealous of. Or if you feel your parents  compliment your siblings more than what they do about you. Or when one of your friends living in a dream you wish you could had. And to many other cases you're facing with. Believe in one thing, you also have what they -and so many other people out there do not. Your task is just making the most out of you have. To love the skin you live in. You are precious. I still am learning not to let my self-judgments abuse me and drag me down on an emotional downward spiral to a further insecurity. Jealousy will get me nowhere good after all...but to lessen my sense of self-worth.

Oh jealousy, you hungry bastard you.

I have a thousand things to be grateful of, don't you dare debilitate.

Hey, chin up. It's your birthday.

I guess that 3 a.m. on your birthday is as good a time as any for an emotional breakdown.

I've always had this love and hate relationship with my birthday. 

I remember when I just turned 7, mom held a party to celebrate it, she got everything prepared, she decorated the room with colorful balloons, papers and glitters, don't forget a loud blaring birthday songs, sets of game to play with, a beautiful dress that matched perfectly with the decoration, and of course a huge birthday cake with lots and lots of icing sugar (it is actually mom's personal favorite). It was supposed to be an ideal birthday party every normal kids would dream of. 

Maybe, except for one kid.

One bright afternoon, I had my friends making a huge circle around me and the cake, singing happy birthday, clapping their cute tiny hands happily. There I felt like riding on a high speed carrousel all of sudden, it felt so dizzy. My face reddened. I knew it because it felt warm. I couldn't hold it any longer then I bursted to tears.

Oh no, I cried.

I cried right at the moment I was supposed to blow off those flaming little candles. I cried in the front of my friends. I didn't want them to see me crying any further, so I ran to my room and locked myself in. I left mom and my friends in confusion. I've ruined my birthday myself. And don't ask what happened next because I didn't want to know.or feel like I need to know. And don't ask me too, why I cried. I really have no idea. I just felt, I don't know, that mixed feeling of sad, scared and embarrassed? No idea. That was probably the worst birthday celebration in the history of my life. 

Mom never threw any birthday parties anymore ever since. Maybe she was disappointed of me. Of course she was. Me either. I'm sorry mom.

Now I feel okay not to celebrate my birthday properly. A simple birthday dinner with my family and a few really close friends is okay tho'. I may be surrounded by loving people around me but let me tell you, your heart is not something you can easily play trick with. For years, I never waited for my birthday, nor made a countdown like young people do just for fun, instead, I feel upset when it finally comes. If there should be a reason to be happy with, it'd be because I can finally find the right moment to ask my dad for something in the name of my ego. Which I know it won't make me feel any better eventually. Well, generally, I never asked for anything beside some extra ka-ching to buy books I've been longing to have but way too pricey to get with my own (haha). But to be frank, if I get offered by some options, I'd prefer to take some me-time instead, going somewhere far. My birthday is the time when I feel loneliest than ever. Those blooming flowers of spring are just a contradiction to what I feel. It's the time I'm looking back to what I've done and what I've been through all these years and most likely, I get even more upset because: 1) I think I don't achieve so much. 2) I've disappointed too many people I love. 3) I think I don't meet any expectations my parents give me, and people around me. 4) I think I'm not good enough as a friend. 5) Etcetera. 6) Etcetera.

Tell me where's the need to celebrate all of those? 

But it's just so unfair to mention the bad without mentioning the good, at the same time I'm just as grateful for God blessing me with such diamond-hearted people that love me unconditionally. Noticing the flaws and holes I've tried so hard to cover but still love me anyway. Knowing I'm not living a smooth life the other people think I am in, but they accept me anyway. People to whom I can admit my weaknesses, mistakes and failures but still telling me how brave I am. Someone I can always run into, someone I can look up to when I'm lost. Standing there beside me when I need someone to walk with, get my back when I need a push, and in front of me when I need someone to follow. And no, I don't need a lot of person to be that sincere to me, because rarity is what makes them more special. Let's just hope they will stay who they are. Let's just hope they're for real.

And todayyyyy, as I'm turning 22 today (just noticed it's been 2 years since my last post on my 20th birthday! What an hiatus.) I came up with some notes and highlights from me to myself. Anyway, 22 doesn't feel so old like I (and probably many of you who hasn't yet turned 22 years old) thought it would be, I feel more an adult now haha. It feels good actually. But the fact that my mom got married to my dad when she was just 21 years old is kind of….what? Somehow intimidating hahaha just kidding.

So, what to achieve this year? I want to write more! I need to! That's why I brought this blog back to life again. That's why I'm writing this. How I've missed this feeling. Well, I did remove some old posts out of public eyes...BUNCH of them, because I think they soaked in overwhelming emotions, and I want to keep them to myself. I do not share ;)

Next thing is, I want to be more open to people, I want to be less passive, quiet and annoying. I want to be the one who says hello first. I want to be the one who asks my friends to go out and hang around. I want to be more extrovert. Not because being an introvert is a bad thing. But, you know, something too much is bad. This is gonna be a hard task. Since, people who knows me well know what an introvert I am. It's just weird, but people scare me. I feel more comfortable on my own, I feel like my energy is drained to the last drop by being around a lot of people. I don't know if this makes any sense but….please just be patient with me…. I'm working on this.

Anyway, earlier last night I had a Skype call with mom and my brother. My mom well...just being a mom, she was worried because it's been a week I caught a cold. My nose is runny and my throat sores a lot I've been having a hard time to put myself to sleep and it doesn't seem to get any better. Also it's the third time in the last 3 months. I already got my-self full prepared with the tablets and cough syrup which I'm not sure if they're making any difference or not. I know it's not cool. And later, I began to receive some notifications from my family and friends saying happy birthday. Though some people are worth having a rock throw into, with such humiliating kind of greetings hahaha. Kidding, they are unexceptionally sweet. Anyway I'm just so glad my birthday in Russia is always welcomed and followed by massive amount of big national celebrations, hence a lot of day-offs from college. BUT, exam weeks are coming real soon! Finger-crossed to a better grades.  I can smell summer and hopefully, an exciting holiday! Hope y'all have a blessed week too :)

I'll fatten you up!

Our self-made (square) pizza!

(made by me, Guzel, Nadia & Hoda)

Let's go to the park,

I wanna kiss you underneath the stars...~

BY THE WAY,

Yes, it's official my friend! I'm 20 y.o now (how old..sigh)

Celebrating a birthday thousand miles away from your loved ones is sad I know. Never crossed my mind last year I'd celebrate my next birthday alone, in a place that's far away from home. Somewhere between dream and reality. Trapped in the middle of nowhere. 'Thus, I didn't expect for anything to happen. Days before, my dad asked me what I want and what's my plan for my b'day. I told him, "Nothing...maybe just go out and have lunch with friends. I don't know." No excitement AT ALL, since being (physically) close to my family was all I need that time.

Well anyway,

Just to make it short, these are some of the (virtual) birthday greetings I received on my b'day!

Yay! Can't wait to see them face-to-face anytime soon <3

Ryan & Ardi by suciputimelati

Farah Nabila Nugraha by suciputimelati

Afifa Urfani by suciputimelati

Afifa Urfani (part2) by suciputimelati

Moses by suciputimelati

Nizar by suciputimelati